We’ve all heard the homosexual stereotypes. For men, it’s usually a strong fashion sense, a lisp, and a body that makes straight girls mourn. For the women, it’s physical strength, short/unusual hairstyles, or simply not accepting a guy’s phone number (the nerve). But there’s one stereotype that isn’t often directly addressed, but it’s a very prominent indicator that you may, indeed, be a homosexual.

Close friendship.

Here’s an article where Dolly Parton was accused of being a lesbian because of her longtime friendship with a woman named Judy. The article also mentions how Oprah Winfrey was questioned about her close friendship with another woman. http://wonderwall.msn.com/music/dolly-parton-im-not-gay-1720416.story

Seriously!? Close friendship equals homosexuality? It’s actually not a homosexual issue; it’s a people issue. Remember When Harry Met Sally? Billy Crystal’s character said that a man and a woman can’t be friends because sex always gets in the way. Apparently, you can’t be friends with ANYBODY without sex getting in the way.

On one hand, I think it’s just the media looking for a story, but have you seen this in real life? I remember a common theme in my school was that boys couldn’t have as strong a relationship as girls could because that would make us gay. Apparently, the same thing is happening to women, too. And as I said, when a man and a woman are very close, it’s assumed they’re dating–or if they’re married to other people, cheating.

Have we lost the ability to distinguish between closeness and romance? Between philia and eros? Both are Greek words that mean “love,” but two different kinds of love. Philia means a close, bonding love, like a good friendship. That’s why Philadelphia is called the city of brotherly love. Eros is the romantic, passionate love that sparks relationships. It’s also where we get the word “erotic” from, but it goes beyond sex.

I honestly think our sense of friendship is being undermined by this belief that if you get close to somebody, it must be romance. We’re saying that friends cannot bond, share life together, and don’t even talk about the physical contact barrier!

I have a buddy who, every time we say goodbye, he gives me a hug and pats me three times. Pat-pat-pat, and he says aloud, “I’m-not-gay.” Aparently, that’s the way to tell the time limit between friend hug and prison hug. Dude, I know you’re not coming on to me. It’s all right. And to be perfectly honest, some times I, as a man, need a good, long hug from another man. It’s a sign of closeness and companionship that every man needs in his life, and it’s a comfort to me when I have another guy who can be that way. I can’t speak for women, but I assume it’s the same.

Let’s state the obvious: boys and girls are different. Some things, only a man can provide, some things, only a woman can provide. Both sexes need both sexes. I need my wife as a woman to provide the feminine things I lack. But I also need guys to bolster my masculinity and help me be what I am. I also have a good friendship with a woman, who, again, helps bring some balance in my life, but it’s a relationship I feel I have to defend sometimes.

You shouldn’t have to forge a romantic relationship with somebody in order to be close to them. I think most of us know that, actually, so why are so many of us still acting like you either hang out or make out? Nothing in between?

Or is that the cost of living in a culture that is both hyper-individualized and hyper-sexualized?

Thoughts?