Sometimes, God just likes to have a little fun.
My friends and I had decided to carve our own haunted trail in the woods for Halloween because were teenagers and what else was I going to do with that machete I got from Guatemala? We hacked our way through my friend’s girlfriend’s parents’ wooded backyard, made our trail, then all took our positions to scare people. I was a beheaded body that came to life, in case you wanted to know.
Anywho, we all brought flashlights because it gets dark at night and the point of a haunted trail is to scare other people, not yourself. We also brought extra batteries because we would be out there for a while. Sure enough, my batteries wore out. I replaced them and pushed the old batteries out of sight near my haunting spot.
After four parties went though our jump-scare fest, my buddies said it was time to go inside. I got up and left the batteries where they were because I’m a teenager and I’ll do it later, Mom.
But, eventually, I had to return for the batteries because Smokey Bear told me not to litter. Actually, it was to prevent forest fires, but for some reason I pictured Smokey when I went back into the woods. I brought a friend with me because it’s pitch black, Halloween and I ain’t playing that game.
I feel I need to reemphasize the darkness so you understand my story. It was very, very dark. All we had were two flashlights, like little white toothpicks in a pool of spilled ink. Fortunately, we’d walked this trail a couple times and I quickly found the spot where I had hidden so cleverly. However, the old batteries were nowhere to be found.
Our little flashlights searched everywhere, but at nighttime in the woods, there’s nothing for it. I really didn’t want to litter (Smokey may be nice, but he’s still a bear), but I just plain couldn’t see and our tiny beams weren’t helping much. I was squatting in the grass, still sweeping for the copper-top of two Duracells when I said, “God, if you could pull the sun back up for about ten seconds, that would be neat.”
And then I fell. I think I was leaning and my leg gave way, and I fell on my side. I dropped my flashlight to catch myself (I failed). As I pulled myself back up, I reached to pick up the light, and that’s when I saw it: The flashlight beam was pointing directly at the batteries.
Hey, no one ever said God was conventional.
One thought on “Machetes, Batteries, and God’s Laughter”
That was funny and really cool. Written well also.