Sometimes, God just likes to have a little fun.

My friends and I had decided to carve our own haunted trail in the woods for Halloween because were teenagers and what else was I going to do with that machete I got from Guatemala? We hacked our way through my friend’s girlfriend’s parents’ wooded backyard, made our trail, then all took our positions to scare people. I was a beheaded body that came to life, in case you wanted to know.

Anywho, we all brought flashlights because it gets dark at night and the point of a haunted trail is to scare other people, not yourself. We also brought extra batteries because we would be out there for a while. Sure enough, my batteries wore out. I replaced them and pushed the old batteries out of sight near my haunting spot.

After four parties went though our jump-scare fest, my buddies said it was time to go inside. I got up and left the batteries where they were because I’m a teenager and I’ll do it later, Mom.

But, eventually, I had to return for the batteries because Smokey Bear told me not to litter. Actually, it was to prevent forest fires, but for some reason I pictured Smokey when I went back into the woods. I brought a friend with me because it’s pitch black, Halloween and I ain’t playing that game.

I feel I need to reemphasize the darkness so you understand my story. It was very, very dark. All we had were two flashlights, like little white toothpicks in a pool of spilled ink. Fortunately, we’d walked this trail a couple times and I quickly found the spot where I had hidden so cleverly. However, the old batteries were nowhere to be found.

Our little flashlights searched everywhere, but at nighttime in the woods, there’s nothing for it. I really didn’t want to litter (Smokey may be nice, but he’s still a bear), but I just plain couldn’t see and our tiny beams weren’t helping much. I was squatting in the grass, still sweeping for the copper-top of two Duracells when I said, “God, if you could pull the sun back up for about ten seconds, that would be neat.”

And then I fell. I think I was leaning and my leg gave way, and I fell on my side. I dropped my flashlight to catch myself (I failed). As I pulled myself back up, I reached to pick up the light, and that’s when I saw it: The flashlight beam was pointing directly at the batteries.

Hey, no one ever said God was conventional.