So it's Halloween and you have no costume. Your home, workplace, or whatever is filled with monsters, skanks, and obscure references you don't get. Whether you forgot a costume, couldn't afford one, or just didn't care, here are ten surefire answers for that idiot who looks at your jeans and polo and asks, "What are … Continue reading Top 10 Lazy Halloween Costume Excuses
Being in a Disney movie is exhausting! You have to fight evil witches, wonder whether your children are alive or not, suffer a slow but steady economical decline at the hands of hyenas. You know, everyday problems. But good always triumphs in the end. The heroes get what they were searching for, the villain is … Continue reading 5 Disney Characters who Really Need a Hug
If you ever want a laugh, look at all the Google searches people put in to find your blog. Most of them will make sense, of course, but look at the rare ones and you'll see some epic randomness or some serious misinterpretation. I've reached 200 blogs here on Fencing With Ink, so I decided … Continue reading Funny Ways People Have Found My Blog
I'm convinced that Yankee Candle practices witchcraft. How else do they create smells from things that have no smell? Walk through a Yankee Candle shop (or whatever local knockoff will satisfy your inferior palate) and look at all the names of the products. You have normal scents like flowers, banana nut bread, citrus, you know, … Continue reading Nonscents
I know I'm spelling his name wrong, but...Renzhi (REHN-gee) Liu was just a little odd. He was from China and had only been in America six months when I met him. He had become my new college roommate after my previous one left town to avoid the police (not even slightly joking). He was an … Continue reading A Funny Thing Happened with my Chinese Roommate at Panera Bread
15. Someone will bring donuts to work. 14. Lunch will be brought to your work or everyone will order out. 13. Someone will offer to BUY you lunch. 12. You will have an internal theological debate over mints and chewing gum. 11. Cauliflower will look like candy. 10. Ketchup will look like a cocktail. 9. Any movie … Continue reading 15 Things That WILL Happen When You Fast
Sometimes, God just likes to have a little fun. My friends and I had decided to carve our own haunted trail in the woods for Halloween because were teenagers and what else was I going to do with that machete I got from Guatemala? We hacked our way through my friend's girlfriend's parents' wooded backyard, made … Continue reading Machetes, Batteries, and God’s Laughter
