Happy Halloween and welcome to the conclusion to my list of movies and shorts that try to literally scare the Hell out of you. All great horror writers know that humans fear the unknown. Great scares work because we don't predict and don't understand them. And nobody grasped that better than the 1930 cartoon short … Continue reading Top 5 Hell Scares #1–Swing You Sinners!
When you're talking about Hell Scares, you have to include Christians. Up until now, I've just showed depictions of Hell meant to frighten children to insomnia, but this is the first bona-fide scare-you-into Heaven tactic. And it comes from one of Christianity's most prominent and bold singers, Carman. https://youtu.be/cJiheZ3aEug Carman became most famous for his … Continue reading Top Five Hell Scares–#2 A Witch’s Invitation
If you're just joining, a Hell Scare is any depiction of sinners getting their just deserts, lightly toasted. It can be an actual attempt to scare people into Heaven or just a freakish image of the unholy afterlife to make this list. While I don't condone fear tactics alone in Christianity, I admire creativity. And … Continue reading Top Five Hell Scares #3–Disney’s Totally NOT Satan
Despite the cutesy title, not all dogs go to Heaven. The bastard Dalmatian that chased me on my bike is an example. Or those Rottweilers that used to scare me. Or that massive Weimeraner that-- Ahem, but we're talking about the Don Bluth movie. If you can't see the picture, the quote at the bottom … Continue reading Top Five Hell Scares–#4, A Dog’s Death
What's a Hell Scare? An old-school Christian tactic that won souls by literally scaring the Hell out of someone. Hey, don't wanna burn in the lake of fire, right? Better become a Christian, or Jesus gon' getcha! As a result, generations of Christians and non-Christians alike grew up terrified of the notions of Hell. Now Jesus … Continue reading Top 5 Hell Scares–#5, Toasty Christmases
So it's Halloween and you have no costume. Your home, workplace, or whatever is filled with monsters, skanks, and obscure references you don't get. Whether you forgot a costume, couldn't afford one, or just didn't care, here are ten surefire answers for that idiot who looks at your jeans and polo and asks, "What are … Continue reading Top 10 Lazy Halloween Costume Excuses
As a Christian, I have insider access to other Christians and I have to say, Christians are a weird species. We have to make our own everything. Christian music, Christian coffee, Christian mints (I'm not joking), but I may have found the strangest one: Christian Halloween. Trunk-or-Treat as it's commonly called, is when Christians gather … Continue reading Christians: Is Trunk-Or-Treat a Terrible Idea?
In honor of Halloween, the holiday when most Christians lock their children in a Chick-fil-A parking lot so they can trick-or-treat for sugar-free vegan candy out of the same trunk that holds the spare gasoline, I thought it would be a little fun to talk about our stupid, childhood fears. We all have at least … Continue reading What Silly Childhood Fears Still Genuinely Terrify You?
Sometimes, God just likes to have a little fun. My friends and I had decided to carve our own haunted trail in the woods for Halloween because were teenagers and what else was I going to do with that machete I got from Guatemala? We hacked our way through my friend's girlfriend's parents' wooded backyard, made … Continue reading Machetes, Batteries, and God’s Laughter
With Halloween coming up, I've been flipping through a lot of Christian blogs, which are talking about whether or not the holiday is okay for Christians to celebrate. The answer is a resounding "HALLOWEEN IS AN EVIL SATAN MUSLIM HOLIDAY WHERE BABIES ARE RITUALLY ABORTED TO THE TUNE OF RECORDS PLAYED BACKWARDS!!" Yeah, kind of … Continue reading CHRISTIAN FREAKOUTS!–Hallow(SATAN!)een