Want to freak out a Christian? Cuss. Just once. Not even at them, just in passing. I promise you they'll jump a little. Seriously, do it one time for fun. Then giggle. Then repent, ya Godless jerkface. Did you see that? I can call you a jerkface and not get in trouble even though jerkface … Continue reading What Makes Cuss Words so Gosh Darn Bad?
So it's Halloween and you have no costume. Your home, workplace, or whatever is filled with monsters, skanks, and obscure references you don't get. Whether you forgot a costume, couldn't afford one, or just didn't care, here are ten surefire answers for that idiot who looks at your jeans and polo and asks, "What are … Continue reading Top 10 Lazy Halloween Costume Excuses
Random Stranger: Mitt Romney. You: What?! RS: That's who I voted for in 2012. You: We were talking about that? RS: We are now. You: Oh...well, I voted for- RS: Don't care. Mitt Romney. That's what it's like to encounter a bumper sticker. Bumper stickers are the answers to questions that nobody asked. They're just … Continue reading A Rant Against Bumper Stickers
The other day, I saw a Kindergarten boy playing a game on his dad's iPad called "Shoot the Moon." It's one of those silly app games that's as simple as its title. You tap the screen to shoot a rocket at the moon. Of course, the moon moves around the screen, singing "In the … Continue reading A Children’s Game Worse than Grand Theft Auto!?
I'm a guy, so naturally I know all about childbirth. You waddle around nine months, get good parking spaces, people treat you nice, then you go to the hospital, hold your breath and push, and pow! Tax deduction. Simple, right? WRONG! Men, we have been lied to. It turns out, childbirth is really, really unpleasant. … Continue reading 5 Ways Being Horribly Sick Helped Me Appreciate Pregnant/Laboring Women
Being in a Disney movie is exhausting! You have to fight evil witches, wonder whether your children are alive or not, suffer a slow but steady economical decline at the hands of hyenas. You know, everyday problems. But good always triumphs in the end. The heroes get what they were searching for, the villain is … Continue reading 5 Disney Characters who Really Need a Hug
In honor of Halloween, the holiday when most Christians lock their children in a Chick-fil-A parking lot so they can trick-or-treat for sugar-free vegan candy out of the same trunk that holds the spare gasoline, I thought it would be a little fun to talk about our stupid, childhood fears. We all have at least … Continue reading What Silly Childhood Fears Still Genuinely Terrify You?